From Crisis to Passage

“Life must be remembered backward but lived forward.” - Søren Kierkegaard’s, The Journals of Kirkegard

Introduction

Individuals with an ineffective mindset, either low constructive thinking styles and / or higher aggressive / defensive or passive / defensive thinking styles often find themselves making poor decisions. Often these decisions are made unconsciously with ineffective thinking styles placing the individual in an unwanted and more stressful situation. As these situations increase in depth and frequency, individual finds themselves living the consequences of their decisions - crisis after crisis after crisis. Something has to give... and the desire for a change, a passage becomes more and more desirable. 

Mindset is often the 'root cause' of so many personal crisis. 

Pending the depth and duration of the crisis, the severity or frequency of the crisis - an individual may find themselves in a position to be open for the crisis to provide them the opportunity to awaken, learn new skills or to reduce the trigger points common with self-defeating behaviours of the mid-life crisis. 

 

The crisis can often be the turning point for change to take place. When an individual takes the personal responsibility required to change their ineffective thinking styles (underlying attitudes, values and beliefs) they begin the process of moving away from old coping styles / behaviours into new and more effective thinking styles and behaviours that align with your authentic self. The steps along this "passage" allows the individual to learn new skills, build confidence, experiment with new behaviours and to strengthen their identity - their new authentic self takes hold creating more meaning and life satisfaction. 

Signs of a Mid-Life Crisis

 

  1. having an unsettled mind, stuck in a rut, feeling passionateness. 
     

  2. signs and symptoms of ill health that you just can not get on top of.
     

  3. significant addictions impacting ones life (work, relationships, commitments etc.).
     

  4. falling in and out of personal crisis (not taking personal responsibility).
     

  5. feeling like your living someone else’s life / or strong values misalignment.
     

  6. ongoing triggers into passive or aggressive behaviours impact self or others - you desire change but you don’t know how to move forward.
     

  7. irritability or unexpected emotions (anger, fear, bouts of depressions, overwhelming sense of loss). 
     

  8. becoming more obsessed with self (dietary changes, getting into physical shape, taking extra time to 'look good', buying a lot of new clothes, being overly materialistic)
     

  9. acting out of character, unexpected behavioural changes or hanging out with a different generation, as their energy and ideas stimulate you. 
     

  10. feeling the need for adventure, change or wanting to run away to somewhere new, escape reality or desiring a simpler life. 
     

  11. your asking yourself some deep, probing questions as your vision of the future feels pretty dismal... what is my purpose in life? 
     

  12. you feel like life is one big pile of blah and you desire to make rash decisions to make things better (leave spouse, quit a good job, throwing oneself into short term excitements etc.). 

 

Handling the Symptoms of Midlife Crisis  

 

Experiencing a midlife crisis is not about curing a set of symptoms. In other words, this isn’t something you go to a doctor for a treatment to cure; rather this represents a time of life when a person is looking for an education to expand their life.  

 

A midlife transition is about shifting your lifestyle to better match where the person’s spirit yearns to be. A midlife crisis is a very natural biological and psychological process of a person maturing. While some of the symptoms might indicate a process opposite of maturing: at times a person needs to step backward to move forward. This can also mean learning to play again since play is indeed a form of education.  

 

People may resist change as they age but everyone does evolve within their life as they get older. The truest resolution to a midlife crisis is learning to embrace the facts of one’s change and investigate methods of transformation.

 

To do nothing is to let midlife crisis decide how you change.

 

Crisis still invokes change, but it’s an external change that a person no longer can control and often breaks those around us in the bargain. To deny a midlife crisis is the same as doing nothing and it will become even more intense.  

 

Modern culture doesn’t quite know what to make of our midlife time of change. Since not everyone experiences the same degree of change, some in modern culture deny this crisis happens. Anyone who has gone through the experience will deeply confirm it’s a real event. If you are at the point where you feel confused, your choices seem to make others unhappy, and denial is making your life worse, then get help! I help hundreds of people every year and as a result, I know it’s real and the process I teach works quickly and gracefully.  

 

Another problem is that modern western lifestyles are based on chasing dollars and goals rather than supporting your truth. People are so focused looking forward to their incomes and the next paycheck that they forget or feel they cannot afford to embrace living to their true internal personal needs in the now. Sadly this way of looking at the problem regarding finance only also means just doing nothing, and that only promotes and expands the crisis into happening anyway!

 

Understand: It’s far cheaper to address and educate oneself in this process than it’s to pay the longer term consequences of letting it become a full-fledged crisis.

 

One of the most difficult symptoms to resolve is the fact that those experiencing midlife crisis often feel separated, misunderstood and alone.  

 

A bigger truth when in midlife crisis is that you don’t have to be alone. Find solace in those that don’t limit your transformation by their judgments. Many times people in midlife crisis seek solitude to more easily avoid judgment from others. I know from personal experience you can find answers that gracefully work. This isn’t easy, and this is always an educational process. Finding guidance can make this process more graceful by showing ways to work around the common pitfalls. Don’t look for help that tries to define you, rather look for help that helps you avoid common mistakes! The trouble is the pressing feelings of being alone and the need to make this process one’s path often make it all the more difficult to find outside help.  

To book a Coaching session, please contact;

Frank Gallant

902.499.7585 (c)

frank@peak.ca